


It Doesn't Help

by master_obi_wan_kenboneme



Series: Tumblr Asks [1]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Panic Attacks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-31
Updated: 2020-07-31
Packaged: 2021-03-05 22:26:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 710
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25622863
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/master_obi_wan_kenboneme/pseuds/master_obi_wan_kenboneme
Summary: Obi-Wan is hurting more than Anakin realizes.
Relationships: Obi-Wan Kenobi & Anakin Skywalker, Obi-Wan Kenobi/Anakin Skywalker
Series: Tumblr Asks [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1857337
Comments: 2
Kudos: 114





	It Doesn't Help

**Author's Note:**

> Ask: “Holding everything in doesn’t help, you know.” Obikin + the aftermath of Obi-Wan becoming a zygerrian slave during the Slaves of the Republic arc

There was no reason he should still be freaking out about this. It had been three weeks ago, and he’d meditated enough to release the emotions into the force.

But here he is at three in the morning sobbing on the fresher floor because he was a slave for a few days. He was able to get over it when he was a padawan! What was so difficult about it now? What was preventing him from doing the same now? He constantly flashed back to it: the stifling heat, the ache throughout his body, the soot in his lungs, innocent Togruta being beaten because of his mistakes.

Perhaps that was it. He had never been able to deal with things like that. The missions that took him the longest to come to terms with were always the ones where his misdoing had lead to people dying.

Every time he closed his eyes, they were there. Sometimes they were being electrocuted. Sometimes they were so thin he saw their bones. Sometimes he held them as they died. One thing was consistent, though. A chant. A quiet mantra he has to strain to make out, but it was there nonetheless. “Your fault, your fault, your fault, yourfault, yourfault, yourfault yourfault yourfaultyourfaultyourfault.” 

He knew that he would be too weak to save them all. He thought, though, that maybe there would be fewer of them dead. The children! He had watched children die in front of them, each reminding him more and more of his grandpadawan. Ahsoka should have never had to have seen that. The carnage. The death and the demise of her people. That isn’t something any youngling should have to see no matter how mature they may be. 

It came to this nearly every night. He would toss and turn on his bedroll and finally end up shaking in the bathroom; a fist pressed to his mouth in an attempt to quiet his sobs to let both Anakin and Ahsoka sleep more peacefully. 

Today, though, Ahsoka had been ill. Something about the clones and the last mission and bugs? But she had been vomiting all day, and when Anakin opened the door to the fresher, he was expecting to see the young girl retching again. He didn’t expect to see his former master leaning against the wall, eyes shut tight, biting into his fist.

“Master!” He whispered. The older man just turned his body away from Anakin, hiding his face in his arms. His voice was shaky when he spoke,

“I’m alright, Anakin. Go back to bed.”

The tall Jedi stepped closer to Obi-Wan. “I’m going to put my arms around you, is that alright?”

Obi-Wan nodded his head minutely, and Anakin slowly sat down, scooting closer to his former master on his knees. He put his hands up and inch by inch wrapped them around Obi-Wan, waiting until he felt the redhead lean into his touch. 

“They won’t leave me,” he whimpered. “I killed them and they won’t leave. Ahsoka—I thought—thought it was her.”

Though Obi-Wan couldn’t see it, Anakin’s brows drew together and the frown on his face grew.

“You didn’t kill them, Obi-Wan. You didn’t do anything but care for them. They know how much you did for them, how much you sacrificed to keep them alive.”

“Every time I close my eyes, Anakin, I’m back there. I’m sweating and burning and I’m watching them die in front of me.”

Anakin held him tighter, began rocking him back and forth gently. 

“I know, Obi. I know. Holding everything in doesn’t help you, you know.” 

Obi-Wan nodded again. Tears ran down his face when he raised it from his arms. 

“Do you want to go back to bed?” Anakin rose and offered his hand to Obi-Wan. The older man took it hesitantly. They both made their way into Obi-Wan’s quarters. 

“Anakin, will you—er—will you stay with me tonight?” Obi-Wan asked quietly.

The younger man smiled brightly. “Of course, Master. Just like old times.”

They both settled onto the bedroll which was a little small for two grown men, but neither of them seemed to mind as they entangled each other in their arms, Anakin’s lips brushing over Obi-Wan’s forehead.

The nightmares didn’t come again.

**Author's Note:**

> My asks are open on [tumblr](https://tumblr.com/master-obi-wan-kenboneme)


End file.
